her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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