I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
