Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
