I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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