i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
