Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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