found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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