Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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