sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
so much tequila, so little girl.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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