it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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