you would pick up someone in the library
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
