During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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