just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
