I need help removing her.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
