I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
