He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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