So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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