It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
