This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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