Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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