fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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