that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
