she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
