she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
