The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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