The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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