love makes seman taste better
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
