i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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