Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
