Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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