New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
