so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
