can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
