I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize