dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
