On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
