I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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