At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
