Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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