I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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