Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
