im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
