This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
