Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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