I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
