she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize