are you still at the devil's house?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
