But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
