I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
