am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
