i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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