dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
