She said her name was "party"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
