My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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