i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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