The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
