there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize