It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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