At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
