Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
