im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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