and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize