true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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