Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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