i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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