so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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