Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize