After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
