dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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